she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
