it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
