she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize