atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
