i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize