i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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