3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
