how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
