Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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