i need an iv and a liver transplant
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So much rum. So many feels.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
