brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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