I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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