Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
