Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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