ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
