dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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