My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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