Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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