there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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