I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
