Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
