Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
