Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
