I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
