The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
