We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
