I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize