What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
