I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
