theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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