Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
