she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
