You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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