everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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