His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
