WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
