ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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