Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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