This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
