I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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