A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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