no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
