PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize