i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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