she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
