I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
