dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
