After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Randomize
