I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
