Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
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