oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
