there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
