I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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