Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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