He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
im on a boat
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