so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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