If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
