Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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