he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
