I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize