I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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