Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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