If that was your dad, he is hot
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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