also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
