ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
