Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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