Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Randomize
