toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
