My nipple is on Facebook.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
