I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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