Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
