Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
