i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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