Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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