You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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