do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
