please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
