so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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