i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
