you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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