my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
