my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dick very happy bro
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
