So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
