thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
