I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
