i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
