she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Randomize
