1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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