I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
