you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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