In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
