I feel great
I just peed on a car
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
